“Yeah, I lost a bet with my daughter last night and now I have to dress like somebody from Winnipeg for a week. I also have to say, ‘eh’ after everything.”
“Man, what is this Pellegrino? Whatever it is, it’s awesome. Give me another bottle or 12. Whoooooooooooooooommmmmmmppppppppppppppppppp!”
“Whoa….whoa….whoa…did Blair just say that Anne Hathaway was nominated for Love & Other Drugs? Oh here go hell come.”
“Yes, I miss spending quality time with my daughter, but I’m really enjoying the ability to fully express personally. If I want to dress like a girl from a Robert Palmer video, I can. If I want to listen to Jesus Jones instead of some dub step, I can. Honestly, who likes dub step? It sounds like the robots from the Transformers movie fighting. How can she listen to that stuff? I know I’m a mom and I don’t get cool things anymore, but come on…. I gotta get a bluetooth so people will stop thinking I’m talking to myself. Next stop, the bluetooth store and then I’m going to laugh at the box office returns for Love & Other Drugs. Suck it, Hathaway.”
“It feels so nice to walk down the street without having to face the judgmental wrath of my daughter, the fashion police. Who cares if these boots look like my grandma knitted me some booties to walk on the moon in?!? They’re comfortable and that’s all that matters, right? Wait, why am I talking to myself?”
“Ooooohhhhhhhhh, shit. They’re playing the Far East Movement in this store. I love this song. Let’s get slizzard with a couple of blizzards from Dairy Queen, mother.”
“Mother, Kanye was right when he said, ‘It’s hard to be humble when you’re strutting on a jumbotron’ or in my case, it’s hard to be humble when you’re strutting in a cashmere blanket.”
“YES!!!!! WE’RE HAVING A PIE PARTY TODAY! Pumpkin! Sweet Potato! Pecan! Cookie! Apple! Chocolate! All of it! All of them! And all for me! Maybe even some macaroons! PIE PARTY! PIE PARTY!”
“Mother….Mother…Are you still sending angry BBMs to Anne Hathaway? Seriously? It’s Anne Hathaway, Mother. Just let it go.”
“Mother, you know a day isn’t complete you have a cup of ice cream and a pair of proper fitting jeans. Flare legs? Mother please!”
